Romans 1:16-25Ps 19:2-5Luke 11:37-41www.usccb.org/bible/readings/101717.cfm
USCCB Podcast of the Readings:ccc.usccb.org/cccradio/NABPodcasts/17_10_17.mp3
A reading from the Holy Gospel according to Luke.
After Jesus had spoken,
a Pharisee invited him to dine at his home.
He entered and reclined at table to eat.
The Pharisee was amazed to see
that he did not observe the prescribed washing before the meal.
The Lord said to him, “Oh you Pharisees!
Although you cleanse the outside of the cup and the dish,
inside you are filled with plunder and evil.
Did not the maker of the outside also make the inside?
But as to what is within, give alms,
and behold, everything will be clean for you.”
Good News Reflection: How to win arguments without defeating others
In the Gospel reading for today, Jesus declares that the Pharisees were filled with plunder and evil. Some bibles translate this as “rapaciousness.” To be rapacious means to covet what others have, and to live on prey. In other words, the Pharisees preyed on others, plundering what did not belong to them.
What were they plundering? The root cause of their legalistic emphasis on proper rituals was their covetous greed for authority. The Pharisee in today’s story enjoyed pointing out what Jesus did wrong. He was trying to make himself superior to Jesus. He was coveting Christ’s authority. So, to offer a cure for his greed, Jesus assigned almsgiving for a penance in case he wanted to become truly holy.
Jesus passionately condemns any self-righteous focus on the “wrong-doings” of others, because it puffs up the self while preying on the self-esteem of those who get scolded. Self-esteem is essential for being able to love one’s self, which is absolutely necessary for being able to love others unconditionally (rather than codependently).
When we get into arguments and insist that we are right and our opponents are wrong, we’re in a battle of winners and losers. Do we really want the other person to be a loser? Analyze your motives: Do you really want to win the argument to make your opponent a loser — so you can feel superior — or for the sake of helping him or her?
When we think we need to feel superior, it’s because we can’t handle being wrong due to our own low self esteem.
We do care about others, and so we want to help them understand the truths that we’re trying to explain. However, this helpfulness is never accomplished in the heat of battle. Both sides get too defensive to let in any new insights.
To end the argument and bring the discussion into God’s victory, we need to separate our holy goal of being helpful from our selfish goal of defending ourselves. We need to hand over to Jesus the hurt that we’re feeling to let him heal us rather than expecting others to make us feel better.
Later, when we’re alone with Jesus, we can let him build up our self-esteem as we complain to him (and only to him) about our problems. But for now, we must lay down our lives for the sake of the other person.
When our love becomes more evident than our need to win the argument, others begin to feel safe with us. Feeling safe, they become willing to listen. And if they also feel heard, they no longer feel threatened by the insights we share, and then they listen even more closely. However, this process can take a long time, so be patient and persistent in conveying your love.
Jesus doesn’t want anyone to be a loser. Even when they disagree with us and we’re right, he wants them to feel lifted up into the victorious realm of love, where we are all winners.
Lord Jesus: Unite my heart and mind, in true charity, to serve those who need what I am or what I have, expecting nothing in exchange. Amen.
© 2017 by Terry A. Modica